I feel like I’ve been living on a high. I’m around friends 90% of my time and it feels so great. I feel loved and wanted and most of all: not alone.
But there is a down side… there always seems to be. Everything that used to matter to me doesn’t matter to me anymore. I don’t care about school, my health or what other people think of me. I used to feel stress, I used to feel some kind of drive to achieve greater things, but I don’t anymore. I just breath and fuck up a lot these days. I feel like I don’t care anymore, but that’s not true. When I’m alone at night they are the things that keep me awake. They are feeding the voices inside my head. They are the things that drive me crazy.
I try to ignore it. I try to run from it. I just try to avoid everything that makes me get hurt or scared. But I know there will come a point when I can’t run anymore. It will catch up to me. And I know I will be so fucked.
But for now I just enjoy living on this high. I love my friends and I hope I will never lose my interest in them. ‘Cause I know one thing for sure: without them I wouldn’t be here. They are great. I enjoy spending time with them and forgetting about everything. Talking for hours, going on crazy adventures. Laugh together, cry together. And simply just breath together. My friends are the best thing that ever happened to me. They are the ones that keep me going. I love them so so much. Words fail to describe it.
So this is a shout out to all my amazing friends. You’re amazing and you matter a lot to me. Please remember that. ❤