Today I realized that the reason why I am alive is to make others happy. To live for others. And I am fine with it.
Whenever I can make somebody’s life just a little bit better, I feel happy. I feel worthy. I feel important. It is just the best feeling in the world for me. It’s the thing I currently live for. (So hit me up if you want to talk, need advice or anything. You would actually do me a favor.)
Doing or wanting things that only make myself happy always ends up in drama. In somebody getting hurt. In me getting hurt. I slowly become something I don’t want to be: selfish, jealous and anxious. I start to feel unworthy, unloved and unwanted. Always on the look out, always wondering if i’m good enough. If I deserve to have something that makes me happy.
Every time I get disappointed. And I know that’s never anyone’s intention. But it always happens; I end up getting hurt. And that’s part of life, I get it. I do. But I can’t handle another dissapointment. I got too close to my breaking point and I don’t intend to actually reach that point.
So I need to focus on the things that will bring me hapiness for sure. I need to find more of those things.Things that I have control over and make me feel good. Because God, I need to feel good again.