The surprises of life

”I’ve been living life in the fast lane: just doing everything without even thinking about it. I feel like I have to stay busy. When I am busy I don’t have room to think about shit or deal with the consequenses of my actions. But because I don’t give myself space to breath everything just keeps adding up. It feels like there is such a big dark cloud over me and the minute I’m alone I feel like i’m being crushed by it.
I don’t know what I want anymore, I don’t know who I am or who I’m supposed to be. Or what to do. I’m just lost. And scared. God, I’m so scared. I just can’t see this ending good.
I guess I just need a break. But everyone just keeps telling me I have to go on. No break. They keep pushing me and pushing me and eventually they will push me of the edge.”

I wrote this yesterday. Not realizing something would happen the next day that would keep me off the edge. Something that could actually pull me off the edge.
Today some good news came out of nowhere which made me finally realize who I’m supposed to be. It gave me a reason to keep fighting and to keep holding on. Yesterday I wouldn’t have believed it, but today I do.

So what I’m trying to say is that it might feel like all is lost and there is no way out and you will always feel like this… but that’s not true. Surprises can still happen. Hapiness might just be around the corner. Things do get better eventually even if it doesn’t feel like it. So please, hold on.  ❤

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